Jonathan Crane (Shia LaBeouf Parody)Codot (Originally by Rob Cantor)
Jonathan Crane A Parody of Shia LaBeouf by Rob Cantor Sung by Codot
You’re walking in the woods There’s no one around, and your phone is dead Out of the corner of your eye, you spot him. (Jonathan Crane) He’s following you, about 30 feet back He gets down on all fours and breaks into a sprint He’s gaining on you! (Jonathan Crane)
You’re looking for your car, but you’re all turned around He’s almost upon you now, and you can see there’s blood on his face! My god, there’s blood everywhere!
Running for your life from Jonathan Crane! He’s brandishing a knife, it’s Jonathan Crane! Lurking in the shadows, gothamite superstar Jonathan Crane! Living in the woods, Jonathan Crane! Killing for sport, Jonathan Crane! Eating all the bodies, actual cannibal Jonathan Crane!
Now it’s dark, and you seem to have lost him But you’re hopelessly lost yourself, stranded with a murderer You creep silently through the underbrush Aha! In the distance, a small cottage with a light on! Hope! You move stealthily toward it, but your leg! Ah! It’s caught in a bear trap!
Gnawing off your leg (Quiet, quiet) Limping toward the cottage (Quiet, quiet) Now you’re on the doorstep Sitting inside, Jonathan Crane!
Sharpening an axe, Jonathan Crane! But he doesn’t hear you enter, Jonathan Crane! You’re sneaking up behind him Strangling Gotham Rogue Jonathan Crane! Fighting for your life with Jonathan Crane! Wrestling a knife from Jonathan Crane! Stab it in his kidney Safe at last from Jonathan Crane!
You limp into the dark woods, blood oozing from your stump leg You’ve beaten Jonathan Crane!
Wait! He isn’t dead! Scarecrow Surprise! There’s a gun to your head, and death in his eyes But you can do Jiu Jitsu Bodyslam man of fear Jonathan Crane! Legendary fight with Jonathan Crane! Normal Tuesday night for Jonathan Crane! You try to swing a scythe at Jonathan Crane! But blood is draining fast from your stump leg He’s dodging every swipe, he parries to the left You counter to the right, you catch him in the neck You’re chopping off his head now You have just decapitated Jonathan Crane!
His head topples to the floor, expressionless You fall to your knees and catch your breath You’re finally safe from Jonathan Crane!
JFC I AM CRYING LAUGHING THANK YOU FOR THIS WORK OF ART
Jane Austen really said ‘I respect the “I can fix him” movement but that’s just not me. He’ll fix himself if knows what’s good for him’ and that’s why her works are still calling the shots today.
Meanwhile Emily Brönte just said “We can make each other worse.”
Lying to children is fun when they know you are being ridiculous. When you hold up a carrot like “guys look at this huge Cheeto” and they all scream “NOOOOOOOOO that’s a CARE-OTT!”
“What? No, it’s my giant Cheeto.”
“NOOOOOOO!”
When I was a camp counselor a fellow counselor claimed that any silly camp song we sang was “his next hit single” and we should all follow him on SoundCloud and he stuck by this daily and it never ceased to amuse both the adults and the children.
When children are small and learning to count and you say the numbers out of order? Peak comedy.
“How many toys are there? Let’s see… oneeee, twooo, six!”
“NO! One two three!”
“What? Are you sure? Let me try again. One, two… six?”
“Noooooo!”
Once reduced a toddler into a fit of giggles by singing “A B C D E F Q.”
on Halloween at the store i work at there was a little boy in a Batman costume, and as I was helping his mom I kept addressing him as Mr. Superman and Mr. Aquaman & he kept correcting me, “noooo, BATMAN” until they were leaving and he very seriously told me, “actully, I’m Ryan”
Love how tumblr has its own folk stories. Yeah the God of Arepo we’ve all heard the story and we all still cry about it. Yeah that one about the woman locked up for centuries finally getting free. That one about the witch who would marry anyone who could get her house key from her cat and it’s revealed she IS the cat after the narrator befriends the cat.
Might I add:
The defeat of the wizard who made people choose how they’d be to be executed
The woman who raised the changeling alongside her biological child
The human who died of radiation poisoning after repairing the spaceship
The adventures of a space roomba
Cinderella finding Araura (and falling in love)
I don’t know a snappy description but the my nemesis cynthia story certainly lives in my head
hilariously, these are almost all in my fic tag. so, a compiled list from the notes (and some extras):
one of my cousins has one of those wretched sequined nicolas cage pillows and today the rest of us received this photo of perhaps the most upsetting thing i’ve seen all year, slugolas cage
